Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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