I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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