At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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