It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
