Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.

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(269): View more from Michigan

i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career

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(540): View more from Virginia

i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.

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(+61): View more from Australia

Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.

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(989): View more from Michigan

I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog

(989): View more from Michigan

They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.

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(415): View more from California

also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...

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(423): View more from Tennessee

I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.

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(907): View more from Alaska

I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.

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(831): View more from California

When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.

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