just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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