I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
