needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
