When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
