We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
