We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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