I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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