i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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