We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Randomize
