If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
