so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
