So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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