I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
