So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
