Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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