i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
