Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
