he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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