i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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