Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
