Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
