I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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