he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
