I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
