I smell stomach acid.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
