Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
