I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
