I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
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Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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