I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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