Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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