i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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