dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
