I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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