3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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