I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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