my mouth tastes like poor choices
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
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well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
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Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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