Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
