my sisters under your porch take her home
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
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