Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
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So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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