wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
