If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
