I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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