I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
