bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
