I molested 6 butterflies tonight
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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