Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
