he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
