I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
