I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
We left the knife in your bed.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
