Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I could have mohawked her pubes.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
