I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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