I wish I could teleport
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I wish you could order shots online.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
