If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm getting married
To pizza
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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