Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Of course I have a pirate flag
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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