we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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