Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
