Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.