I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.