Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
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My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.