i jhust puked up my retainher.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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