im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
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I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
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Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...