Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".