yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?