he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
