Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Randomize