from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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