Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize