So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
