I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
